2. "You read my diary!"
Example: "Oh yeah, Scott, I bet you dream of becoming a ballerina."
Response:"You read my diary!"

3. "Is it just me, or did your voice change after Jim Henson died."
Example:"Cut the act, Scott, we all know you're the one who stole Grandma's Cigarettes!"
Response:"Is it just me, sis, or did your voice change after Jim Henson died."

4. "Dag girl, save some for the sequel."
Example:"Honey, I bought this new dress for our anniversary, do you like it?"
Response:"Dag girl, save some for the sequel?!"

5."You're about as gritty as an episode of Baywatch Nights."
Example:"I'll beat you 'til you turn inside out, then I'll make you throw up your outsides."
Response:"Big words Grandma, you're about as gritty as an episode of Baywatch Nights."

6."Kiss my big, white, hairy grits"
Example:"Scott, you wouldn't just happen to know where my social security check is, would you?"
Response:"Grandma, you can kiss my big, white, hairy grits!"

7."Analyze that, Billy Crystal!"
Example:"Sir, your neighbors called 911 complaining that you were peeing off your back deck."
Response:"First of all, Officer, I don't live here, I'm visiting friends. So Analyze That, Billy Crystal!"

8."Please step back, I'm freak-tose intolerant"
Example:"Sir, could you spare a dollar? My family is living in a car and we have nothing to eat."
Response:"Please step back, I'm freak-tose intolerant."

9."There's no word for ______ in my language, but if there were I'd be calling you that right now"
Example:"Our store security cameras just caught you putting the 'Princess Diaries' DVD down your pants. I'm going to need you to come with me."
Response:"There's no word for butthole in my language, but if there were, I'd be calling you that right now."

10."Did you see the forecast for Hell today? It's not supposed to be chilly."
Scott:"Pop, can I borrow 4500 dollars?"
Father-in-law:"Did you see the forecast for hell today? It's not
supposed to be chilly."

11."So this is what failure smells like."
Dad:"Scott, I'm coming to you as your father, admitting that I've made a few mistakes. I know I'm not perfect, and I'm asking you for forgiveness."
Scott:"So this is what failure smells like!"

12."You look like a pug dog on mutt pills."
Wife: "How do I look in this dress?"
Scott: "You look like a pug dog on mutt pills."

13. This one works great on old people!
Neighbor: "Did I see you sneak your garbage bag into my trash can last night?"
Scott: "If you felt a tightness in your chest just now, that's because I just went to the future to stomp on your grave. Here's more bad news, I only had to go to 2009."

14. "I hate everything you've become."
Scott: "What DVD do you want to rent tonight?"
Wife: "I hate everything you've become."

15. Sister: "I'm so nervous, this'll be my first date in 5 years. Do you think I look alright?"
Scott: "You have a million dollar smile. It would take a million dollars to fix, that is!"

Hey folks, if you get one of our phrases to work in the course of your daily life, drop me a line. I'd love to hear success stories. It's worth some extra credit on your next Friendship Test (not applicable in Vermont).

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